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Doug's laws of Tanks/AFV's (Ver 12)
I have been fiddling with this little set of "laws" for quite some time, they never seem to be quite perfect. So I have decided to go public with them and see what sort of reaction they get.
Please note that the terms 'AFV' and 'Tank' are both used as a "catch all" term and pertain to anything armoured, whether on wheels or tracks; rather than a specific vehicle type.
Doug's 1st law of AFV's:
Tanks are kid magnets!
Doug's 2nd law of AFV's:
Everything to do with Tank's is either heavy, dirty, expensive: or all 3.
Doug's 3rd law of AFV's:
After a couple of jeeps or trucks, the average member of the public is bored. After 5 jeeps or trucks, most military vehicle enthusiasts are bored (unless they own a similar one). You don't tend to see Tank's in these quantities, so they don't bore people!
Doug's 4th law of AFV's:
Anything that is designed to keep bullets out, by its very nature, let's water in.
Doug's 5th law of AFV's:
Due to the need to purchase parts when they appear, rather than when you actually need them, you will never have enough shed space for your stuff.
Doug's 6th law of AFV's:
Learn from the experience of others (not me): NEVER let yourself be interviewed by the media, or appear in a documentary or short story. They will depict you as a total twit every time, if you do come across as rational, they will edit in what ever is necessary to make you appear ridiculous. This can include voice over etc. You have been warned......
Doug's 7th law of AFV's:
Everything is rare at some time: that time will be when you can't get one - which makes it really rare as far as you are concerned.
- When you do finally get one, then it seems, so does everyone else.
- Thus value and price are very much a matter of opinion and point in time.
Case in point, I can well remember when US WW2 tanker's helmets (the ones with the fibre shell and large air holes that was modelled on a baseball helmet) were "unobtainium" and if found went for ridiculous prices. Then a slow trickle started, still at high prices. It turned out a European country had discovered a large cache of them in army stores and surplused them. Once everyone figured out what had happened their price collapsed to less than 20% of what it had been for years.
- Some exceedingly rare things are actually not sort after, thus they may be rare, but of no value!
That last point is something that is not easily accepted. .
Doug's 8th law of AFV's:
If fuel economy/consumption is a concern: then this hobby is not for you.
Doug's 9th law of AFV's:
It is an interesting quirk of human nature that the first thing anybody seems to do when they climb in a tank is immediately look for a periscope and look through it to see outside - where they have just come from.......
Doug's 10th law of AFV's:
Most AFVs in private hands were built at a time when the average male height was 5'6" to 5'9". Even realtively recent Russian vehicles are built to this formula. If you are considering buying an AFV, you would be well advised to try it on for size first. I have a friend who is 6'6" tall, it took him 20 minutes to work his way into the driver's seat in a Staghound - at which point he decided it was not the vehicle for him.
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