Welcome to the Wastelands
- a paradise for the adventurous tourist! Whether you want to hunt big
game, participate in exotic rituals, kill a man with your bare hands,
or just chill out by the pool of toxic slag, the Wastelands has it all!
So what is this Wastelands
place anyway?
Well, the wastelands was created over a hundred years ago in what folks
around here like to call 'the Big Bang', you might know it by other names
- the Fall, Night of a thousand Suns, Armageddon, the Apocalypse. After
all the excitement settled down, this is what was left - a huge desert
full of radioactive nasties and hostile natives. But it's not all bad
- there are the Free Peoples, the last remains of civilization in a world
gone mad. With a proper and enlightened system of Democracy, fully operational
industry and even commerce, the Free Peoples are the pinnacle of Human
endeavors. You'll find fortress towns and outposts scattered at important
locations through out the wastelands, places like Freetown, Armored Bus
Stop Armageddon, Hell Pit Head and Scumopolis. In these meccas of civilization,
you can pick up supplies, taste exotic dishes, or maybe catch a pit fight
or public execution.
If you venture outside of
the Fortress towns, you'll soon come across some of the friendly natives
of the Wastelands. Most inhabitants of the Wastelands are part of nomadic
tribes, called Wasters or Raiders (the difference is subtle, and a point
of contention, so don't call anyone a Waster or a Raider until you're
sure.) Both Wasters and Raiders form loose tribes around family groups.
They enjoy nothing more than sitting around a blazing fire, roasting human
flesh and reminiscing over past escapades. Neither wasters noir Raiders
actually produce anything, let alone farm. They prefer to trade with more
civilized people, and they have developed some incredibly effective bargaining
techniques such as the gun to the temple, and the knife in the guts. There's
never a dull moment with these mischievous sons of the sands!
What with
all the radiation in the wastelands, it's hardly a surprise that there
are a lot of Mutants out there. Human mutants tend to be heavily muscled,
squat creatures with a bluish gray skin. They are usually mal nourished,
hence their stunted growth, btu they are very powerful, and possess an
excellent, albeit primitive sense of humor. Wasters and Raiders tend
to adopt Mutants as tribal mascots and trade negotiators.
There are also plenty of mutant animals, such as Rad Scorpions, Rad Spiders,
and the very rare Rad Chickens. These animals are terrible pests, and
travelers are advised to carry insect repellant (Remmingotn 12 Gauge is
this year's hot favorite)
The
Big Bang caused a lot of unfortunate things, drought, destruction, plague
and the interruption of the World Series Baseball. The Brain eater plague
was one of the worst. The plague has now almost died out, but there are
still huge numbers of brain dead zombies out there. They may not look
very deadly, and parts may fall off them at inopportune moments, but Zombies
can be very nasty. Tourists are advised to avoid them.
Strangest
of all the inhabitants of the Wastelands are undoubtedly the Ook. Where
exactly these ape-men come from is unknown. Possibly the result of mutation,
possibly the result of some sort of experiment before the Big Bang, the
Ook are none-the-less an important race in the Wastelands. The Ook occupy
a large territory centered around the Valley of the Ook. They are industrious,
civilized and for the most part peaceable. They have a very high level
of technology and culture, second only to the Free People. Tourists are
warned however that they do not welcome visitors. DO not offer them bananas,
as being strangled by a two meter tall ape often offends.
What
to do:
There's plenty to
do in the Wastelands. IN the fortress towns of the Free People you could
go to the local cinema, showing the best films of the late 20th century.
Top of the charts this year are 'Mad Max II' and 'On the beach' with the
luscious Ava Gardner.
Improvised street theatre is also prolific. Hot favorites include muggings,
arson, and armed robberies, although mime slaying is ever popular.
Then there's the execution square. Every Fortress town has one, usually
located in the middle of town. Here, you can watch the regular executions
and punishments of miscreants. There's something happening in the execution
square almost very day.
Or, for the sports fan there's the Arena. Here, men fight men, men fight
beasts, beasts fight beasts, and the audience fight for seats.
Outside of the Fortress
towns, you could try your hand at big game hunting (and some of the game
is BIG!), or you could visit the many Waster and Raider tribes to watch
their exotic rituals and festivals. The year's biggest, the Heart Eater
Festival, held on mid summer's day is highly anticipated. For this festival,
the Wasters and Raiders kill their captives and eat their hearts to bring
them strength. Other festivals include Spleen Crushing Night and Easter.
Treks out to the
Valley of the Ook are possible, but discouraged since the Ook declared
a tourist free-fire zone around their settlements. if you are dead set
on going, make sure you take a white flag, and an interpreter.
