By F. Carthew 2/4/99
Somewhere, far beyond today,
I will find a way to find you.
And somehow, though the lonely night,
I will leave a light in the dark
Let it lead you to my heart.
"Quark, you know damn well that you can't just take over a cargo bay with your goods." Colonel Kira Nerys, commanding officer of Deep Space Nine leaned against the bar and fixed the Ferengi in question with a steely gaze. "Now, I'll give you one day to clear bay nineteen, and then I'm flushing the lot. And I'll be sure you send you the bill for the cleanup."
"Colonel, can't we come to some… arrangement?" Quark continued to polish a glass, apparently unconcerned by the upcoming destruction of his latest alcohol shipment. "I heard that Bajor needs an extra two megatons of grain before spring this year, in case the crops in Dar'velana province fail again." He leaned closer to the Starfleet officer, matching her gaze. "I might be able to find those tons for you, if you let me have that cargo bay permanently."
Kira leaned in closer, until they were almost nose to nose. "I want your shipment out of that bay by this time tomorrow. And if it isn't, I'll flush you out with it. Is that clear?"
Quark slowly straightened and nodded. "Perfectly." As Kira turned to leave, he ran a finger gently down a lobe and called out. "Oh, and Colonel, I'll get you that grain anyway." He shrugged with forced carelessness and smiled toothily. "Consider it a gift."
Kira didn't reply, merely continued out of the bar and disappeared in the flowing crowds of the promenade, leaving an annoyed Quark to decide which of his incompetent waiters would break the least amount of stock when clearing the bay.
A heartbeat.
A single pulse, a throb that ran through a form that never needed to know such things.
A ripple, flowing from the centre, touching all it ebbed through.
A place.
A face.
A name.
A spire of gold, shooting towards the stars, seeking to fly to the stars as it it howled in pain.
'Nerys!'
"Nerys, I appreciate your concern, but really we're fine!" Cassidy grinned happily and patted her round belly lovingly. "Julian says that everything is going exactly as it should and there's nothing to worry about."
"I'm sorry," Kira sighed and smiled, glancing out the window towards the wormhole. "But you have to see it from my side. Part of me sees you as the wife of a Prophet. And you're having the baby of a Prophet!" Kira's smile turned impish. "If Bajor has its way, you're going to become the next Kai."
Cassidy laughed at the image this conjured up. "I don't think I'm the best person to become the religious leader of your people, Nerys. Besides, aren't there several good candidates for the position already?"
"There are, and this time I won't have any qualms about which one of them is chosen." Kira sipped her drink, deep in thought. "All of them would be good for Bajor and will be able to work with Shakaar towards a better future for Bajor."
"Then I just have to worry about the baby." The human's smile faded as her companion simply nodded. "How about you, Nerys. How are you coping these days?"
Kira glanced up sharply, and for the briefest of moments, Cassidy could see the raw pain of a broken heart in her eyes, before the Bajoran stood and made to leave. "I'm fine."
"Kira," Sisko would have said more, but before she could, Kira was out the door.
A sound.
A voice, soft and gentle to the ear, if it had any to hear with.
A memory.
"The man I fell in love with."
'Kira'
*She is part of your past, little one*
'But I need her.'
*You don't need anyone*
'I was all she had'
*She will find others to take your place*
Despair.
'They will not love her as I do.'
Soothing.
*But they will suffice*
"Garak, Bajor is not going to help Cardassia build any more orbital shipyards!"
"Colonel, the Federation barely left our single yard intact." The grey face of Cardassia's First Minister seemed to have an almost pleading expression on it. "At the very least we need Bajor to lend us some transport ships so we can start to get food and medical aid to our outlying colonies." He leaned forward slightly. "Kira, people are dying out there, and without your help, there's nothing I can do about it."
"Garak, if I could spare the ships, I'd lend them to you." Kira spread her hands in a helpless gesture. "But we simply don't have the resources. Bajor is still recovering itself, we can't stretch our ships and supplies any further than we already have, there just isn't enough to go around." She saw the disappointment on the man's face and sighed. "Look, I'll take to Shakaar about it, he might be able to give you some of our old transports. They aren't the greatest ships around, and you'll need to keep plenty of spare parts handy, but they should help ease things for you until the shipyards have been repaired."
Garak's relief was visible. "Thank you, Nerys. Whatever Bajor can spare we will be grateful for."
"Well, don't thank me yet, I still have to talk to Shakaar about it." A small smile crossed her face. "But I'm sure we can find something for you, even if it's pre the first occupation!"
They both laughed at the thought of Cardassia welcoming an eighty year old Bajoran freighter.
Another heartbeat.
Stronger.
Deeper.
Reaching through time and space.
Another thought.
'Why must I stay?'
Gently.
*Because this is where you belong*
A pause.
'I came to heal you'
Swiftly.
*Only with you returned are we fully healed*
Curious.
'But others are not here, the ones you sent away. Why am I so needed by you?'
Instantly.
*Because this is how it is*
Gently again.
*Do not question, little one, you will only feel pain. Just... accept*
"Nerys!" Ezri waved Kira over as the Bajoran strolled past the replimat. Already, the promenade was bustling with life even though it was early morning. "Have a seat, I was just about to come to Ops to see you."
"Oh?" Kira threw the Trill a curious glance as she sat and sipped a fresh raktajino.
"Julian and I were wondering if you'd like to join us for dinner tonight." Dax flashed her most brilliant smile, and tried to appear her most innocent. "If you don't have anything else planned, of course."
Kira hunched forward a little, a faint smirk playing around her lips. "Dax, have I told you how transparent you are sometimes?"
Ezri grinned apologetically. "I'll let him know it didn't work." She gently covered Kira hand with her own. "We're worried about you, that's all. We know that he meant everything you, that the two of you were planning a future together." The woman took in Kira's bowed head and sighed. "We just want to let you know that... that we're here for you if you need us. That you can always come to us, either of us, if you need someone to talk to."
"I know." Kira raised her head, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "And I appreciate it. But I have to get on with living, Dax. They got him. Despite everything we did, they still won. And nothing will bring him back from the Link." She stood, holding her friends hand tightly for a moment longer. "The war is over, and Cardassia is no longer a threat. Other people died for this to happen, all I had to do was give up... Odo." She forced the name out, and walked away quickly, leaving a stunned friend to finish her breakfast alone.
Two heartbeats.
Pulsing.
Disrupting.
Serenity destroyed.
Sternly.
*You must forget. You are disturbing our peace*
Rebellion.
'I must remember! It was my life'
Annoyed.
*That life is over, you returned willingly. Here is where you belong*
Indignation.
'I belong where my heart is'
Confused.
*But... We are your people. We are your heart*
Determined.
'No. My heart is not mine for you to have'
Truth.
Freedom.
Escape
"Admiral, I understand what you're saying," Kira wanted to close her eyes in exhaustion, but she didn't want to show any weakness to her superior officer. "But the fact is that Starfleet can't expect that Bajoran officers will fit into a new military system without some teething problems."
"I understand that, Colonel." Admiral Neucheyev shuffled the pile of PADD's on her desk. "But we've had nineteen of these teething problems in the last six months, Kira. And some Captains are beginning to make noises about Starfleet forcing all the ex Bajoran militia to go to Starfleet academy before they're posted, regardless of their previous military experience."
"Which means that even I will have to attend the Academy." Kira's tiredness vanished as she became angry. "So all those years under The Captain's guidance have been for nothing."
"Colonel, I am simply stating what others have told me, and I can see their point of view." Neucheyev was getting annoyed herself. "Now, I'm prepared to delay making any decision on this yet, as long as you and the Bajoran government can come to some arrangement about solving this problem. If that means that every Bajoran officer has to spend time on the station to get used to and to understand Starfleet rules and regulations, then so be it. But you have to have a solution soon, or I'm going to be forced to suspend the incorporation of the militia. And that would only weaken Starfleet further than this war already has."
Kira stared at her for a moment, then nodded sharply. "I'll speak to the council of ministers and the Ministry of defence. I'm sure we can arrange something. In the meantime, what will happen to the officers already within Starfleet?"
"Most of them will be moved to the Enterprise, under Captain Picard's command. He trained all previous Bajoran's that entered Starfleet, and he has informed me that he's more than happy to undertake the retraining of the former militia members. The ones we can't transfer, probably the younger officers and soldiers, will be sent to the Academy for a year. They're young and fairly inexperienced, so they shouldn't have too much trouble with the posting."
"I'll alert General Klim and inform him." Nerys glanced out into Ops for a second, then returned to the screen before her. "Is there anything you need to speak to me about, as I'm needed elsewhere right now."
"That's all, Colonel." Neucheyev smiled slightly. "I look forward to speaking to you soon."
Kira watched as the screen blanked out, then stood and marched out into Ops.
Escape.
*You must not leave us!*
Determination.
'I can never stay'
Desperation.
*You promised you would heal us!*
Strength.
'You are healed. The disease cannot hurt you anymore'
Pleading.
*You cannot go, we will be diminished again*
Firm.
'Then you must learn to survive as I did'
Arrogance.
*And if she has already found another?*
Faith.
'It will not matter, she is my life. I must be with her, even if I have to live without her'
Quietly.
*Then go back and see the truth. We will wait for you to return*
A golden beam of light surged upwards from the middle of the Great Link, once more a healthy golden colour instead of the dirty blue it had been when Odo first arrived. Pulsing upwards, the beam turned one way, then another, trying different shapes. It finally decided on the form of an animal it had read about many decades before.
The mythical Terran Phoenix.
"Well, you might think she's alright," Quark placed the drinks in front of Dax and Bashir as they sat waiting for a free holosuite. "But the last time I saw Kira like this, was after Bareil died." He nodded knowingly. "And we all know what happened then."
"You mean the great Shakaar fiasco." Bashir sat back and grinned, while Dax laughed.
"Say what you like, doctor," Quark put on an insulted expression. "But you know as well as I do that Odo was more than just another lover to Kira. They were making a life together, she'd not about to get over his loss in a hurry."
"True." Dax chimed in with her thoughts. "But it's been six months since Odo returned to the link, and she seems to have coped so far. Kira's lost so many people before, she knows how to handle her grief by now."
Quark picked up their empty glasses and turned to leave, but decided to make a final comment as he left. "But how do know this won't be the one to break her?"
Shapeless form, timeless movement.
The tiny shuttle headed away from the Link with single-minded determination. Even shape-shifters can't travel at warp speed without help, and Odo hadn't even presumed that he could make the journey through space himself. He'd flown to the small space station just above the planets surface, the same installation that Worf, Bashir, and Garak had once been imprisoned in.
Once there, it had only been a matter of moments, and of stopping several fawning Vorta from insiting they accompany him, before he was provided with a shuttle. As he left, on a direct course for the wormhole and his beloved, he almost chuckled about the Vorta's offer of a Jem'Hadar cruiser and any size escort he wanted. He'd seen the disapointment on their faces when he'd refused the offer and requested just a shuttle.
It was a long few days. It gave him plenty of time to think about the past -- and the possible future.
Even if she didn't want him as her lover, he would stay by her side until the end of her days. She was his life, his heart. The woman he should never had left in the first place. He knew she understood why he had left, that in her soul she knew he couldn't let his people die, not even after all the bloodshed they had been responsible for.
All he could do was travel to her as fast as he could.
And pray he hadn't been away too long.
She wandered the station late at night, long after the trading station's residents had retired for the night, when all that walked with her were ghosts and memories. Wrapped within her thoughts as she stared out a window on the promenade, she didn't hear the person come up behind her until they spoke.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?"
Cassidy turned to see Julian Bashir watching her with a bemused smile on his face, and smiled happily. "Julian, don't you know you shouldn't sneak up on pregnant women?"
Bashir ignored this and took her firmly by the arm. "I prescribe sleep, and lots of it." His expression became sterner. "And no more walking the station late at night." As they reached the turbolift, he indicated a cloaked figure entering the Bajoran temple. "There's already enough people staying up late as is."
Cassidy sighed as Julian escorted her to her quarters. "I take it that was Nerys."
Bashir nodded sharply. "She's there every night, she stays for hours. I don't think she's had a decent nights sleep in months." He shrugged as they reached the woman's rooms. "But until she decides what she's going to do, all we're able to do is keep an eye on her and help her run the station."
Cassidy sighed. "It's times like this I really wish Ben was still here. At least she might talk to him."
"Right now, I'd settle for her getting some sleep." Julian saw the woman into her quarters, then headed home himself.
A grey ghost in the night, it's lights a beacon in the blackness of space.
Odo looked at the station with a fondness in his heart. Ships were flying to and from the old mining station, a hundred different races all meeting in the one place. Nowhere else in the Federation was there anywhere like this, nowhere else where so much could go wrong.
It took an hour before he could dock, even though it was almost midnight. An hour of waiting and wondering what reception he would receive from his beloved. An hour watching transports and freighters, shuttles and warships, cargo drones and Starfleet vessels. The myriad of ships hadn't diminished since the war, Odo decided. If anything, it seemed to have increased a hundredfold, the docking and undocking occurring at speeds that would have made another person expect a crash to occur, but Odo knew full well of the probable controlled pandemonium that was a normal day in Ops.
But when he finally did dock, on an unused runabout landing pad, there was no-one to greet him except for a technician repairing a nearby console. Since the peace had been established, a brisk trade had once again set up between the Alpha and Gamma quadrants, so Dominion shuttles docking at the station barely rated a raised eyeridge anymore.
Nodding to the officer, Odo headed towards the Promenade and the temple. If he was going to confront Nerys this day, he was going to need all the people on his side he could get.
Kira stared at the photo for a moment, then squeezed her eyes shut again, trying to find the peace to help her sleep.
At first, the temple had been a place of refuge for her, a place where she could be sure the Prophets would answer her prayers and watch over Odo in his new life as he healed the Dominion. There was a certain irony in the fact that she could be assured that at least one Prophet would take a personal interest in the welfare of all the command staff, no matter where they were.
But over time, as she had slipped into her position as station commander, the fate of Bajor practically in her hands, the calm and tranquility had been harder to come by. After a few months, no matter how long she spent in the temple, no matter how long she talked to Vedek Tonsa, an ache had settled in her heart that just wouldn't go away. No matter how many command meetings she called, or how many shifts she took in Ops to exhaust herself, sleep was always elusive.
Today, she'd worked three shifts straight through, only leaving her post when she started seeing two raktajino mugs on her desk when she knew there was only one. Stumbling to her room, she'd gone straight to bed, hoping that she would sleep easily for the first time since Odo left. Instead, as soon as her head hit the pillow, her mind had awoken, defying her body's need for rest.
Eventually, she got up and went into the main room, to her private shrine, and stood, composing herself as she gazed at the tall candle standing on it. After Odo had left, she'd been torn for several days whether his leaving warranted her using her Duranya instead of simply praying at the shrine. But after many discussions with the local Vedek, she'd decided on simply having a special candle always lit for him, and reminding the Prophets every chance she got that she expected them to look after him for her, and to guide his footsteps in his new life. As Tonsa had told her after one of their weekly Springball games, "Nerys, Odo isn't dead, he's gone to guide his own people on the path to peace, as you have done for Bajor. The Emissary will take care of him now, let Odo rest in his hands."
She'd agreed, of course. The Vedek brooked no nonsense when it came to her spiritual welfare, he knew her too well after all the years they'd been on the station. And he also knew that the worst thing for the station was a commanding officer who was too distracted to attend to all their duties. So she'd agreed to simply lighting a candle to her lover's memory, and to praying for him every moment of every day.
The Ferengis were still up, Odo noticed from his vantage point on the upper level of the Promenade. Apparently they were scrubbing and cleaning the bar, since Quark's voice could be heard complaining about their workmanship. Odo hurumphed to himself, and a small smirk crossed his face. Empires might rise and fall, suns could explode, and governments would descend into chaos, but some things never changed, and Quark was one of them.
For a moment, Odo considered making his presence known to the Ferengi, if only to see the look on his face when he saw his nemesis had returned. But he had more important matters to attend to first, matters that would never had arisen had he not allowed the leader of the Changelings to force him back to the Link. He had never doubted that it was his duty to save his people, whatever wrongs they had done, they didn't deserve genocide.
As he turned to leave, still deep in thought, he failed to see that his movement had attracted attention from the bar opposite. And as he slowly paced towards the turbolift, a small figure grabbed two bottles from under the bar and hurtled towards the lower lift, arriving just before Odo did.
Odo waited patiently for the lift to arrive, but was astounded to see it rise from the lower Promenade, with an occupant already inside. His surprise vanished when he saw who the occupant was and what he was carrying. "Quark." Odo folded his arms and glared at the little man, who had was grinning from lobe to lobe, and carrying two bottled of his best, real-not-replicated, Bajoran Spring wine.
Quark stood to one side as Odo joined him in the lift and sent it towards the habitat ring. "Well, it's about time you got back from your puddle." The Ferengi feigned indignation, but couldn't get the smile off his face. "Security around here has become a joke. And as for Kira, well, all she does is work and go to the temple to pray." He sighed theatrically. "She doesn't even go to Vic's anymore."
"So everything is normal then." Odo flashed his companion a glance, and Quark swore he saw a faint smile. "I hope you've made the most of the security officers Starfleet has provided, because if I'm put back on duty you can be sure I'm going to double the watch on you and your bar."
"You can't do anything to me, unless it's illegal." The old ways returned to them without a pause, each secretly revelling in the challenge the other provided to their life. "I know your methods Odo, and I know you. You've never been able to prove anything against me before, and you won't now."
The lift halted, and the two men disembarked, still bickering quietly.
"You'll have gotten sloppy, Quark. I'll have you in a holding cell within the week."
"A week!" Quark snorted in disbelief. "You couldn't catch me in twelve years, what makes you think you can now?"
Odo didn't reply, simply stopped as they reached the commanding officers quarters. Quark sensed the man's fear, and gently pushed the bottled into Odo's hands. "Here, take these. On the house."
Odo watched as Quark turned to leave, and smiled openly. "Quark!" He waited until the man turned before nodding, just once, slowly. "Thank you."
Quark smiled again and returned the nod sharply. "Welcome home, Constable."
Kira was again in bed, trying to sleep. But her mind kept tossing and turning, flashing thoughts, memories, and dreams at her again, until she seriously contemplated Bashir's offer of a sedative. She'd actually stood and pulled on a robe, and was about to call the doctor, when the door-chime interrupted her thoughts. Composing herself in the bedroom doorway, she unlocked the door. "Come"
Odo stepped through the doorway carefully and slowly, not knowing what to expect. He'd been surprised that she answered so quickly, at this hour she should have been fast asleep. But when he entered and saw her, one look told him that, for this night at least, sleep had been a stranger. Seeing her standing there in the robe he bought her, wearing the Tholian silk night gown he'd purchased as one of the presents for their first anniversary, he fell in love with her all over again.
Kira watched the person step into the room and felt her body go numb. In a split second she went from tortured and agonized, to hopeful and breathless. He wasn't saying anything, but he didn't need to. Those familiar long, lean lines of his form. The half finished face that had haunted her for months. The incredibly sexy blue eyes that bored into her very soul as they watched her. Gulping down a shaky breath, she fell in love with him all over again.
The bottles fell from suddenly unsuportive hands, to bounce, forgotten, on the floor...
The robe slid from her shoulders, unheeded and unwanted, as she took a small step towards the vision before her...
His form shimmered and faded of its own accord as he stepped towards his love...
Her tears, so long held within her heart by her iron will, flowed down her cheeks as her stride lengthened...
His hands, gentle and kind, lost their shape as they touched her face, absorbing her tears...
They met, melding together in shape and form, each caressing, crying, holding...
Fire and Ice
Earth and Water
The immovable object tamed and tempered by the irresistible force.
"A day off?" Julian's jaw dropped as Commander Morant nodded. "Kira has taken a day off?"
"Actually, she's taken a week off." Morant glanced at the message that had been waiting on his terminal that morning. "The Colonel's still on the station, apparently she's having a small holiday though. And she's told me not to disturb her with station business unless someone declares war.And prefferably only if they declare war on Bajor."
"Have you tried to contact her?" Ezri's cherubic face was drawn with concern. "Perhaps I should drop by now, just to make sure everything's all right."
"I wouldn't if I were you." Quark scurried into Ops, three glasses in one hand, and a bottle in the other.
"And why not?" Bashir leaned against the console, arms crossed, and frowned at the intruder.
"Because," Quark handed a glass to the Human and Dax and then poured all three of them a generous amount of the alcohol, "I'm down two bottles of Spring wine, if you check you'll find you have a new shuttle at bay nineteen, and," He raised his glass in a salute, "I have a feeling we're going to get a new security chief in the near future. Or re-get an old one, depending on your point of view."
A stunned silence fell on Ops for a moment, before the two other officers realized what he meant, and then joined him in the toast.
Never again.
The words had become a mantra that night, uttered over and over in turn by the lovers. Not that there had been much night left by the time they had first lain back in each others arms, for the moment sated and relaxed. Kira had realized that she didn't have any chance of making it to Ops in time for her shift that day, so she had taken a moment while Odo was resting to let her First Officer know he had the station for the next week. She'd also decided she was in desperate need of a shower, and had just stepped under the soothing water when Odo joined her, and they again joined together until she begged him to let her rest.
Both breathless, he'd lowered her to the floor of the shower and washed her from head to toes, as only a Changeling could. Then he'd dried her and carried her back to bed, and made love to her for hours, until they collapsed against each other, finally spent and exhausted.
There had been few words between them. What was there to say, when simply their being together was enough. But of the few words, the single phrase 'never again', had been claimed by them both. It was more than a promise, it was an oath, more binding than any ceremony could ever be. Only death could take them from each other now. Their love had been born in adversity, tempered in the fires of battle, and tested by betrayal and grief. And it had stood to draw them back again, stronger than ever.
And as they drifted off to sleep, their love binding them together for eternity, an old friend smiled on them, bathing them with light.
In Ops, no-one gave the flaring wormhole a second thought. After all, the ways of the Prophets are hard to understand......
And somewhere alone (somewhere alone)
I will be praying you home (praying me home)
I know that somehow our love (somehow our love)
Our love will lead me to your arms
*"Somewhere, Somehow" Copyrighted 1995 -- Micheal W. Smith, Reunion Records.