LOST INNOCENCE

Written by: Mary Draganis

(c) Mary Draganis - May 1994

[Author's note: This story is set just after the ST:DSN episode: ]
[Blood Oath. For backround information please refer to this episode.]

The usual bustle of Quarks and the shouts of "Dabo" greeted Kira
Nerys, the Bajoran Liaison Officer and second in command of Deep
Space Nine as she entered the establishement.

"Quark!" The Bajoran snarled as she spied the Ferengi serving some
Andorians.

"Ah, Major Kira. How nice of you to come today...what can I get you?"

"Your head. We intercepted some stolen cargo - the Pakled Captain
said they were for you." Kira smiled.

The Ferengi smiled back.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Major. I don't know any
Pakled and does he have proof that the items were for me?"

"No, but.."

"Well then." Quark said with a flurry of his bar towel. "Well since
you don't have proof and since I don't know any Pakled Captain, then
the items wouldn't be for me, now would they?" The Ferengi asked and
smiled.

Major Kira glared at him and realised he was right, they didn't have
the proof.

"One of these days, Quark, I'm going to get you. Mark my words." Kira
snarled.

"Well, if you want me Major, I'm all yours...your quarters or mine?"

Kira gave him a disgusted look. "Not in your lifetime! You're
disgusting!" She said and walked away.

"I try." The Ferengi said and laughed as he went to serve a newly
arrived Andorian.

Kira Nerys turned around to leave and spotted Jadzia Dax sitting by
herself toward the back of the bar. Kira had wanted to talk to her
friend for a few days - ever since she came back from her trip with the
three Klingons.

The issue of the Blood Oath that Curzon Dax took meant a lot to
Jadzia and although not obligated to fulfilling the oath now that she
was Jadzia Dax and not Curzon Dax, she felt was necessary for her to
do that.

She went on over to the table and stood in front of it.

"Can I sit down?"

Lt Jadzia Dax, Deep Space Nine's Science Officer looked up.

"Sure." She waved her hand toward the seat opposite her.

Kira sat down and ordered a drink from the waiter.

"I'll have what Lt Dax is drinking."

"Black Hole." Dax told the waiter.

"Kira, I know what I did made Benjamin angry..."

"Have you spoken to him since you came back?"

"No. I didn't think he would understand and I know Benjamin. He needs
time to think..." Dax paused and looked at her friend. "I didn't kill
the Albino..."

"What stopped you?"

"I don't know...He dropped his weapon and invited me to kill him.
Kang killed him."

Both women sat in silence sipping their drinks.

"You asked me what it was like to kill, and I told you, you lose a
part of yourself. That is true, Jadzia. I was 12 when I took a phaser
and killed. It's a long story..."

********

"Nerys! Will you please get your brother out of that tree!"

Derra looked out the window and smiled. Josii was being bullied too much,
but that  spirited daughter of hers would one day make a great leader...if
she lived that long. If any Bajoran lived long.

The Cardassian occupation was taking its toll on the population of
Bajor. Derra feared for her children.

She didn't hear the patrol entering the gates but she heard Nerys
yelling.

Kira Nerys was a scrawny twelve year old child with short hair
and dark expressive eyes that shone even as she was pushed into the house
by five Cardassian soldiers. She was so tiny the soldiers dwarfed the
child.

"Are you Kira Derra?" The Cardassian demanded.

"I am." Derra said hiding the creaping anxiety.

"Where is your husband Kira Amziah?"

"I am he."

A tall bearded man with salt and pepper hair stood in the
doorway. He walked up to the Cardassian holding his child and
took her from him. Nerys looked at her father and held on to his
hand. She saw the hate in his dark eyes.

"I am Gul Lepas. I am placing you under arrest for crimes against
Cardassia. Take them," he ordered his men.

The two children looked on as their parents were led away. Nerys
looked at her father and mother. She held Josii's hand. He was
too young to realise what had happening. She knew.

The Cardassian stopped midway and looked back at the children and
snarled.

"Say goodbye now...you will not see them again." The Cardassian spat
on the ground and walked away.

The Cardassian round up of suspected resistence members had begun in
earnest. The previous night, a large Cardassian prison was bombed and
a Cardassian settlement had been set on fire killing women and
children. The Shakah, the resistence cell in that area, were
responsible and the Cardassians were out for blood. Bajoran Blood.

That was the last time Kira Nerys saw her parents alive. The next
day word had gotten out to the village that all prisoners taken
by the Cardassians were killed. No trial. No jury. Just execution for
all the members of the resistence that were captured.

***********

Nerys sat by herself outside a her grandmother's house. The anger
and bitterness towards the Cardassians had made her angry. She was
helpless. She was young and didn't know how to stop the growing fear
and anger building inside her. She wanted to run away and join the
resistence. To be like her father. She would fight them.

She went inside and sat down. Gehazi Necho, a middle aged Bajoran and
her father's dear friend looked at his friend's daughter,
saw the anger in her eyes.

"What are you up to, Nerys?"

"I want to hurt them, like they hurt my father."

Kira Noni stared open mouthed at her granddaughter.

Gehazi laughed. Not at her willingness but the futility of a
twelve year old against the might of Cardassia.

"Why are you laughing!" Kira demanded to know.

"Forgive me child. I do not laugh at you but the hopeless
situation we are in. The Cardassians have been here for many
years. I do not think you or I will be alive to see them leave."

"That is very defeatist of you Necho." Noni said and she held the
child in her arms.

The old man shook his head and sat down opposite Kira. He looked at
the child.

"I can fight. I know how to fire a phaser...my father showed me
how! I am good at it," the girl protested.

"Ah..the bravado of youth..."

"I WILL fight! I'm going to join the resistence..."

The old man put his hand around her mouth and quickly quietened
her down.

"Shh girl! You will have to be quiet! You don't join the Shakah and
yell about it in the streets! Not unless you want a visit from our
Cardassian overlords."

"She is young, Necho. It is no more than the bitterness of all
our people." Kira Noni said and she watched her granddaughter and saw
her own child.

Kira Nerys stared at both of them.

**********

Gehazi Necho hurriedly walked towards the rendezvous point. He
had to hurry. He was late. He had hoped that no one saw him
leave the house. He made sure the children were asleep. What he
didn't realise was that Nerys wasn't asleep and followed him always
making sure he didn't spot her.

She smiled to herself thinking she would make a good resistence
member.

He came to the tavern and he looked either side and then noticed
Nerys who had just ducked behind a pole. He was furious to discover
that she had followed him.

"What are you doing?" He demanded, dragging the young girl
into the tavern. Inside he motioned to a man and sat her at a
nearby table. He glared at Nerys but she sat there smiling that she
had outwitted him so far.

"Why did you bring the child?" Anton Kief demanded as he joined
them. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked around. "What if
someone noticed you?!"

"She followed me!"

The young girl looked at the men and her gaze settled on Anton
Kief, a big man, in his mid 30's. She looked into his grey eyes.

"I want to make Bajor free again." Kira said quietly.

"How do you propose you would do that?" Anton said scornfully.

"I want to join the resistence. I want to fight."

Anton looked at the child and the lost innocence of youth
and shook his head.

"How can a scrawny girl like you fire a phaser?!"

"I want to fight." She whispered as she looked down and tears
welled in her eyes.

Anton looked at Gehazi and brought out a sheet of paper and layed
it on the table.

"I think she could be useful..."

"Anton, she is 12 years old! I cannot..."

"Gehazi, she was sent by the Prophets. I was saying to Tahna that
we needed someone to climb through here.." Anton pointed to a
small opening marked on the map.

Upon hearing this, Kira smiled and looked at the map sprawled in
front of the two men. She knew she could get into the resistence.

**************

Gehazi and Anton walked briskly to a house around the corner from
the tavern. Nerys hurriedly tried to keep up. They knocked
and entered. Another two men and a young boy were seated in the
living area inside. They caught sight of Nerys and shock registered
on their faces.

"Why did you bring the girl!" Kiel Sudna demanded as he walked up
to Anton. "This could give us away!"

"Don't worry Kiel. You worry too much." He put his hand around
Kira's shoulders and brought her foward. "This is Kira Nerys and
she is our newest recruit to the ShaKah."

All of the men looked at the scrawny child and laughed.

The young boy looked at her and got up to have a closer look. He
circled her as if she was for sale. "She is just a scrawny
little thing! She doesn't look strong enough to lift a phaser!"
The boy said scornfully.

Anton Kief walked up to the boy and stood in front of him. "How old are
you Tahna?"

"I'm 16 years old. You know that."

"How old were YOU when you joined the ShaKah?"

The boy looked at Anton and then at Kira. "I was 13 but I was
bigger than she is and I could fire a phaser and I am a man. She is
just a child and female."

"Yes, but since you are 16 years old and you are no longer small
enough to climb through an air vent, you should be pleased that
Kira _is_. Now how do you propose that we get in? Ask the Cardassian
to open the door for us?"

"You expect this child to go through the vent? What about the
explosives? Who is going to set them?"

"She is." Anton said as he took Kira by the shoulders. "I will
teach her. She is willing to learn."

******

Over the following weeks, Kira was taught to set explosives. She
learned fast. She learnt how to make bombs and how not to set them
off accidently. Anton Kief was teaching how to kill.

She went home exhausted each night. Her brother Josii, watched as
she entered the room. He spied her every night coming in late and
leaving early. He knew she missed school many days but didn't know
why.

"Nerys, can I come with you?"

"Where?"

"Wherever you go to and always come back late."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not for young boys like you."

"That's a lie!" The boy jumped down from his bed and sat next to
his sister. "Why won't you tell me the truth?"

"Go to sleep, Josii."

"No! I want to know why you won't tell me the truth."

"Go to sleep, Josii!" Kira snapped back. She was tired and she didn't
want to listen to her brother.

"I want to know why you missed school and why you come back at this
time every night and don't tell me!"

Kira sighed. "I've joined the ShaKah." She said quietly and
nestled down on the bed.

Josii laughed and went back to his bed. "You are lying to me! You
are not in the ShaKah - you just don't want me to know you are
seeing Eli!" The boy chuckled to himself as he curled up in the
blankets. "Mama and Papa would never have let you out this late with
that Eli! I wish they were here."

"I do to." Kira whispered. She had no time for Eli or any other boy. She was
in the resistence now and she was ready to avenge their parents death.

************

Kira Noni watched her granddaughter fidget. She suspected that the
child was in the resistence since she never mentioned it again. It
wasn't like Nerys not to mention something that she wanted badly
enought. She would ask Gehazi. He would know. She saw Gehazi sitting at the
dinner table with Josii and she called him over to where she
stood.

"What is going on?" She demanded to know.

"I don't know what you're talking about woman!"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. What is this about? Nerys
has missed school and is coming in late every night. Twice this week
she's come in at 3 am. Gehazi, she is only 12 years old."

Gehazi ran his fingers through his hair and sat down. "She followed
me to the tavern a few weeks ago. I thought she and Josii were
asleep. Anton thinks that she will be able to enter the air vent."

Shock registered on the woman's face as the realisation that her
granddaughter was indeed in the resistence.

"What if she gets caught! Did Anton think of that?"

"Noni, it's times like this that innocence is lost. We
have to..."

"Oh stop the propaganda spiel! Nerys is 12 years old, she is a
child...look at what happened.."

"Noni, Bajor is dying. We are dying. I don't know if I will see
my home free but I want to know that our struggle for freedom
will one day be rewarded."

"That kind of thinking got Amziah killed and left Nerys and
Josii without parents."

"We all make sacrifices." He said and looked away.

*************

The night air was cool as members of the ShaKah crouched behind
brushes. Their plan was to free the many prisoners that the
Cardassians held. Anton Kief and Gehazi spied the building. He had
hoped that nothing would go wrong with the mission.

Kira Nerys crawled to where Anton sat. Her tiny face was blackened.

"Kira, you are to go through that vent, on the other side is the
guard's room. Get out of the vent, plant the bomb on the exterior door
and then hide until it detonates. We will then come in." He reached
into his sack and withdrew a phaser and a package. "Use the phaser if anyone
comes near." He handed the phaser and the package to the young
girl.

"Don't get caught!" Gehazi whispered.

"The Prophets will be with me." The child said looked at him and
half-smiled. She didn't want them to know she was scared. She got
up and steadily crept beside a wall and climbed to where the air vent
was and hurled herself inside.

"Your grandmother will kill me if you get caught!" Gehazi added as he
 watched her enter the vent.

"May the Prophets be with you." Anton whispered.

Kira slid down the vent, her heart beating fast. She was sure
that the Cardassians could hear it. She stopped and sighed and tried
not to tremble. She faced her first test and she desperately wanted
to show Tahna that she wasn't useless. She began again and came to the exit.

She peered into the room and it was clear. She undid the screws
and jumped in. She checked the corridor, found it clear and slowly
made her way to the entrance. She had hoped that no Cardassian would
be there but she was wrong.

"Well, well, well...and what have we got here?" The Cardassian
Gul snarled as he appeared in the doorway. "You are a child! How did
you get in here?"

Kira looked at him with contempt. She was trapped.

"How old are you, child?!" He demanded, dumbfounded by the size
of her.

"I...I..." She stuttered and quickly withdrew her phaser and
fired, hitting him in the chest. A look of surprise and shock
registered on his face before he fell to the floor hit by the phaser.

She stepped over the body and attached the explosives to the
door. She had hoped that no one else had heard the commotion. She
stared back at the Cardassian and looked up to the heavens and
silently prayed to the Prophets. She turned and stared once again at
the dead Cardassian.

"I am 12 years old!" She said as she holstered the phaser. "And I
intend to live longer than you."

Kira ignited the explosives and hid behind a post. The explosion
blew away the doors of the building allowing the ShaKah members to
flood in and attack the compound. The building erupted with a
cacophany of sound.

Cardassians and Bajorans fought in a pitch battle. Explosions
were heard in other parts of the building.

Anton Kief raced in search of Kira but couldn't find her. He
scanned the dead bodies, both Cardassian and Bajoran and was glad he
couldn't see her. He wanted to believe the child was alive.

Finally, he found her crouching behind a beam.

"You did well, Nerys. Tonight you have joined the battle for
Freedom of Bajor." He said as he carried her out. The fighting was still
raging as he carried her out.

They hurried out of the vicinity as the rest of the ShaKah
released prisoners. Anton stopped near a clearing and sat down. He lay her
on the ground. The tiny face was splattered with mud and grease. He
marveled at the courage of the youngster.

Gehazi Necho raced across the field to the clearing and fell to
his knees near Kira's exhausted body. He lay his hand on her head.

"Is she alive?!"

"Yes. She is. She is a very brave young woman."

**********

The next morning, Kira stirred. She opened her eyes to the sun.
Her head hurt. She wasn't dead. The sound of the birds were heard in
the background and she tried to get up and was met with the strong
arm of Anton Kief.

"Stay where you are. You received a bang on the head," Anton
informed her.

"Did we win?" The child asked.

"No. We didn't win. We are like insects Nerys. We bite and bite
and bite but we never win. We will fight another day."

The child looked into his grey eyes and frowned.

"Go to sleep now. We will talk tonight," he said, holding her
hand.

She drifted off to sleep. Anton Kief looked at the tiny face and the
face of his young daughter replaced it but she didn't live past her
13th birthday.

"She did well, Anton." Gehazi stood a few meters away gazing at
his friend.

"She did. How did we do?"

"We released 30 prisoners but we lost 20. Another day, another
sacrifice." Gehazi said and walked away dejectedly.

The day wore on as the ShaKah counted their dead and buried them.
The Bajoran death chant was heard throughout the day and into the
night. As darkness fell, Anton carried some food to where Kira lay.
He laid the food near her and sat down.

"Eat, you will need your strength back," he told her.

Kira sat up and began to eat the food. She smiled at Anton. She liked
him. He reminded her of her older brother.

"I like Kesa." She said as she put another morsel into her mouth.

Anton laughed. He liked the child. She had courage and a spirit
he rarely saw in children, let alone in adults. As she ate he
wondered how should would grow up and if she would live to grow up.

"Did you have any problems?"

"Yes..." Kira stopped eating and stared at Anton, pale-faced.

"Did you kill him?"

"Yes." The young's girl's eye filled with tears and they silently
rolled down her cheeks.

Anton put his arms around her. He felt her pain. She would
kill again before her fight was over.

"Nerys, you did what you had to do. Bajor will become free from
slavery to these butchers because of what we do...never forget
how you feel right now--"

"I don't feel anything for that Cardassian." She said as she
tried to brush away the tears but couldn't.

Anton held her as the child cried. It was not what he'd meant,
but it would keep...

"Last night, you became a warrior - you are no longer a child,
Nerys," he said almost regrettfully.

"You are now ShaKah..."

***********

Kira sipped her drink as she finished telling the story to Jadzia.
She looked up at her friend.

"I'm sorry I asked you the other day about if how you felt."

"Don't be sorry, Jadzia. We had to do what we did or else the
Cardassians would still be oppressors of the Bajorans. Killing
someone, no matter whether they are Cardassian or Klingon still means
you lose something. For me it was my youth."

Both women sat in silence for a while. Jadzia Dax stood up and
touched her friend's shoulder.

"I think I will have that talk with Benjamin and...thank you." Dax
said as she walked away.

Kira Nerys watched as she left the bar.

                        The End